February 14th, known worldwide as Valentine’s Day, has reared it’s ugly head once again. Last year, I wrote this post about how it’s just a crock of shit and that if you love someone, they should know it 365 days a year. This year, I decided to search for unusual and funny cards and share them with you.
With this one…well, I think it’s very romantic to threaten self harm if the object of your affection doesn’t respond the way you want them too. By the way, if you don’t tell me that you love me in the comment section, I may be reduced to cutting myself.
I love this one. “Don’t worry though, there was no blood. I used the bandaid you had on your ass to stop the boil from oozing onto your clothes.
Forget all those “How to Pick Up Chicks” books you’ve read. This is the way to do it. One or two blows to the head with a blunt, but heavy object. Before she has the chance to gain consciousness, tie her up and do unimaginable things to her. When she comes to, tell her that you’re married now. Untie her and tell the bitch to make you a sandwich. Now.
Another classic. Doesn’t she know that in man speak, fucking her means the same thing as “I love you”? Stupid woman.
Fuck. And all I gave you was a good dose of herpes. And Frank’s dick is bigger than yours…and it still works.
If this don’t say it all…
Ha, ha, ha…telling it like it is. He thought it was a good plan until she vowed not to let him see her naked until she lost the weight…and then grabbed a large tub of Ben & Jerrys and locked herself in the bathroom. Good going genius.
The key word here is “might”…he doesn’t even go to the trouble of making a phoney promise…lol
I don’t know about you ladies, but I take this as a huge compliment. Just sayin’.
So there you have it…ten Valentine’s Day cards you won’t likely find at Hallmark. When I was there awhile ago, I remember also not seeing any cards for friends with benefits. Step into the 21st century Hallmark.
Staying in the theme of love and other assorted garbage, what was the most romantic thing your significant other ever did for you? Doesn’t have to be for Valentine’s Day. In fact, it’s even better if it was for no reason in particular.