As 2012 comes to an end, I can’t help but
sob hopelessly go over the events of the year in my mind. To name just a few…
~ My daughter turned 16 in November and had her first boyfriend and her first heartbreak this year. Stupid little bastard didn’t even have the cahonies to break up with her in person. He sent her a message on facebook. The following day he was calling her saying that he made a big mistake and wanted to get back together. She told him forget it. I taught her well.
~ I bought my first new car…a 2013 Hyundai Accent.
~ My youngest son moved out, and on the same weekend, my oldest son moved back in. Fucking awesome.
~ I started a new job at the end of March that I still love. That’s a record for me. Hard for me to find legal work that I enjoy.
~ After 2 1/2 years being smoke free, I picked up the habit again like the idiot that I am. And of all times to pick to start, why in the middle of fucking winter?Hasn’t been a spectacular year by all means but I am grateful for it nonetheless. And even though I’m no psychic, I’ve compiled a list of the top 10 things that I won’t be doing in the new year. 10. I will NOT bungee jump.
9. I will NOT be quitting smoking. I just started again. Let me poison myself for awhile and then I’ll try to quit again. Maybe.
8. I will NOT relax more. I relax too much already. I’m getting fat.
7. I will NOT stop flashing passenger trains. Just the thought of it sends chills through my body and makes my nipples hard.
6. I will NOT be losing weight. I gained weight when I quit smoking and then gained more when I got sick last spring. I managed to lose about 30 lbs and then gained a few back. And just to make things interesting, I’m menopausal as well. No wonder my husband spends hours in the garage working on
the money pit his project car.
5. I will NOT be spending more time with my children. I’ve been counting the days until their 18th birthdays since the day they were born.
4. I will NOT be going skydiving. Something else I’ve pondered in the past. And then I realized that I’D BE FALLING FROM A FUCKING AIRPLANE.
3. I will NOT be participating in an orgy. Another passing fancy of mine, I’ve finally decided to answer the invitations I’ve received with a resounding NO THANKS (but try me again in a few months…)
2. I will NOT quit drinking. It makes me happy. So fuck you.
1. And the number one thing you will NOT see me do in 2013…is act my age. Once I do that, I’m fucked.
I do know one thing though, if I live to a ripe old age, I won’t be like any other granny you’ve met.