It’s probably the most sought after thing on the planet. Happiness. Everyone wants it and money can’t buy it. It CAN however rent it for about $300 an hour. I may have a hard time finding happiness as the big picture, but I’ve learned how to find it in small things like glaring at overweight people in line at McDonalds. I’ve decided to put together a list of the top 10 things that make me happy because yes, I am that important.
10, Laughing. Nothing says happy more than pissing your pants or shooting hot chocolate out of your nostrils at the speed of sound. The TV show America’s Funniest Videos is one of the few shows that always makes me lol. Americans are funny. Or
stupid clumsy. Or both.
9. Sugar. It seems that sugar may help the brain create serotonin, which in turn makes us feel happy. I just like it because it tastes good and I know I shouldn’t eat it. Kinda like a spanking for your mouth.
8. Puppies. I’m not sure why, but puppy breath and a tongue up my nostrils, always brings a smile to my face. It also makes me crave peanut butter.
7. Tim Horton’s coffee. The U.S. is stuck with Duncan Donuts (I’m making the motion of gagging myself with my own index finger as I type this…yes…I’m using my third hand) or Starbucks, which we have here as well but pretty much ignore. Nothing beats a Timmy’s coffee…except for toe curling sex…followed by a Timmy’s coffee.
6. A Full Body Massage. Nothing makes me happier than a strange man or woman putting his/her experienced hands all over my naked body, slathering vanilla scented massage oil over my breasts and ample buttocks, “accidentally”
trying to earn a big fucking tip brushing my naughty bits once in awhile, coming dangerously close to the “happy ending” they denied providing when I called for an appointment.
6. A Steaming Hot Bubble Bath. Hot baths are definitely underrated. You have to get the bath water at THE perfect temperature…somewhere in between warm enough to make your nipples erect and turning your skin lobster red with a side order of passing out. And when your bubbles run out, you can always make your own, while lighting a fifth scented candle.
5. A Good Back Scratch. I have very dry skin that I have to hydrate continuously, especially in winter. Now, since my third hand doesn’t grow out from my back, there’s no way for me to reach there with my moisturizing cream so it often gets neglected. That’s where you (or any other
sucker friend that may be in the vicinity) come in. More nipply fun. Mmmmm.
4. Music. Music is a great way to help change your mood. Unless something comes on the radio that you hate. If I hear Taylor Swift say she never wants to get back together…ever….I’m going to stab the speakers with a knife.
3. A Gorgeous Sunset. ‘Nuff said.
2. Spending time with my daughter, Rachelle. She is kind, silly, and cute as a button. In other words, she’s a smaller and younger version of me. Take that! younger generation! She just turned 16 and has had her first boyfriend. I was proud and her father almost cried. If she really is taking after me, he’s going to need medication eventually. My daughter at her birthday party:
1. And the number one thing that makes me happy…for about 13 years running, is mind numbing, nipple hardening, toe curling sex. NOTHING rings that happiness bell better than a butt clenching orgasm. Even better when you don’t hate the person you are doing the horizontal mambo with and an extra bonus if there is no exchange of money. I just wish the euphoria would last more than a blink of an eye. Pigs are lucky. Their orgasms last 30 mins. That’s longer than my entire sessions last. I wanna be a pig in my next life.
So there you have my top 10 happy buttons. Did I mention any of yours? Is there something missing that makes you giddy and excited? Did I cross a line with that last picture? hehehe